The Holiday Survival Guide: Thanksgiving at Your Home

Thanksgiving is one of our favorite holidays.  It's all about family, food, and football. Trifecta!

It can also be sort of stressful if you are having the family over to your house for the big dinner especially if there are young kids around and grandparents. This can be doubly stressful if there are grandparents from both sides of the family.  

Years ago we realized it wasn't so much about making sure that everyone was happy it was more about managing expectations.  Here are the 5 Holiday Survival tips for Thanksgiving when you are hosting it at your house:

1.  MANAGE EXPECTATIONS

At least one week prior to thanksgiving (even better two weeks prior) send all your guests an email letting them know how excited you are that they will be joining you for Thanksgiving. If they don't do email then you should call them or contact them in their favorite way to be contacted.  Let them know clearly what is on the menu. These days there are always food allergy considerations or just food aversion considerations. My husband decided that when he was a grownup he would not eat yams. Ever. So, while they are a staple on many Thanksgiving tables across the country, you will not find yams (candied or otherwise) on ours.

If your guest asks you what they can bring be sure to have a clear answer for them - never say "Whatever". It will make your guest feel better about bringing something that you would like them to bring and it takes the stress off of them to have to think about what to bring. If they don't offer then don't ask.  They are your guest. 

Then let them know specifically what they will be in charge of. This goes to tip #2 and #3.

2. INVOLVE EVERYONE

If you have a baby in the house their job is to look cute and entertain the grandparents. This can be accomplished by letting them play with their toys in the middle of the living room. Grandparents can often stare at their grandchild for hours. It works.

Once your baby is walking around they can help in some small way. It's important to give them a supervised job because after years of this they will begin to take on bigger and bigger assignments until that day when they are cooking the entire meal and you are in charge of watching the baby play with her toys in the living room.  Your three year old can help stir the pumpkin pie mix. They can help make Turkey handprint decorations, placemats, or placecards with the help of another relative.  There is always something that they can do.  

Even older relatives who may not be as mobile can be assigned some task. TV channel changer - score keeper to keep people in the kitchen up to date on the football score - song leader - dealer (card games are always a great activity).

Assign certain kids to KP for after dinner. Let them know when it is time to clear the table and where to put things. You want to be able to enjoy your time together with your family after this awesome meal so either everyone pitches in on the clearn up OR you let folks know where to put stuff and you can clean it all up later.

3. TURKEY TROT

When I was growing up we would often visit my grandparents for Thanksgiving and their kitchen was just the right size for my grandmother, my mom, and one sous chef. Other than that it was crowded and chaotic. The solution for my grandparents was to take the kids out on a big nature walk.  I thought it was because my Grandfather liked to go on long walks but as it turns out it was more to get us out of the house and tire us out a bit.  Regardless of the reason it was a fantastic family tradition. 

These days you can find "Turkey Trots" all over the place. Typically, they are about 3 mile organized walks. Some are competitive and some are not. In our area, neighbors gather from miles around to walk / run along a nature trail at 9 in the morning on Thanksgiving morning and raise money and accept food donations for the local food bank.  It is tons of fun and a great way to start the day.

Doing something like this at the beginning of the day is a great way to clear out the kitchen giving the person(s) in charge of getting the bird into the oven some elbow room.

Going back up to the #1 tip of managing expectations, be sure to let your guests know in advance if this is part of the activities for the day. They will be much more likely to participate if they arrive with walking/running shoes.

4. GRATITUDE

The name of the holiday is Thanksgiving. Keep gratitude a theme of the day. It's not called Complaintsgiving. Help everyone celebrate the gratitude and blessings from the past year. 

• Have everyone write down one thing they are grateful for on the turkey handprints that were created earlier in the day.
• Remember the Golden Rule and treat others as you would want to be treated. So, when your mother says something over the top about the way that you are choosing to raise your kids and that she would never do that, just remember she raised you, she loved you, and she is probably feeling very very old in this very moment and thinking back to the time when she was the young mom and you were the adorable one year old that could do no wrong. Besides that she's probably getting senile - you ate dirt when you were a kid.  Just smile at her and let her know how much you love her and how happy you are she could be there and then later, when she has gone home, go outside and scream at the top of your lungs and stomp your feet on the ground - it will feel really good.
• Be the example of gratitude for your kids and your guests. After organizing the day, preparing the meal, and making sure everyone had something on their plate that is their favorite food, you may want to hear that resounding "Thank You! This is the best meal ever!" which may or may not come.  Be gracious and let your kids see what it looks like to display gratitude.
• Say Grace: Growing up I marveled at my Dad's ability to whip out a Blessing on the Table. He could say Grace in the most beautiful, original prayer that I had ever heard. I always got nervous when anyone would ask me to say Grace. Helping your kids learn how to say Grace is as important as teaching them which fork to use for dinner and desert. Well, actually, it's more important but it all goes together.
  
  There is a nice standard world prayer that most Catholic children grow up learning that goes:  
  
  "Bless us, Oh Lord, and these thy gifts 
  which we are about to receive from thy bounty, through Christ, Our Lord. Amen."
  If your family or guests are not particularly religious you can still have a gratitude prayer by having everyone take turns going around the table telling one thing that they are grateful for from the past year. At the end of the last announcement you can add a hearty "Amen" and that is your prayer.
  
  The original intent of Thanksgiving - as we were taught it decades ago - was to bring people together and celebrate the harvest, giving thanks for the food and the friendships that would carry the pilgrims through the upcoming harsh winter. This is a time to bring people together. So, just be mindful of your guests and make them comfortable at your table.

5. HAVE FUN

• Laugh
• Sing songs
• play uplifting music
• relax
• tell jokes

You can almost guarantee that things will not go according to plan so once your morning begins just roll with it. You may want everything to be perfect but it won't be. Plan ahead especially if there is something about any of the guests who will be joining you that you know may be a problem. One year there was a guest on our guest list who could not be uninvited. The only thing was that she drove my husband nuts. We came up with a strategy in advance. If he started talking about the big football win from our alma mater then I would know that he was trying to change the subject to something that made us happy (and perhaps that someone in the room was getting on his last nerve). We did have that conversation that year but as soon as he started talking about that football game I knew that I could jump in and help create some space between him and this irritating guest and defuse the situation. It worked like a charm and we have used this strategy in various settings ever since.

To ensure everyone has fun remember to leave out plenty of water to drink too. This will help you make sure you don't eat too much and feel gross the next day and potentially (hopefully) keep Uncle Bob from drinking too much and becoming a nasty drunk. 

Remember to manage your own expectations as well. You may want to give your guests the Perfect Thanksgiving day ever but there really is no such thing. The main thing is that your kids will have a blast as long as you're having fun and that is the most important part of the holiday.